remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sarcasm needs its own font
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
