come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
