last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
