i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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