I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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