i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
