The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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