meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
