The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
