Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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