Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
