You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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