This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
