I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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