PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
