Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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