and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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