He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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