I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
