what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
