Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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