He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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