I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I had to cum in my sink.
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