It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
