He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
