He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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