You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
