I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
