You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
