Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
