My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
