Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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