I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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