Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
