Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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