but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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