hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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