I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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