My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
