I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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