I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
