the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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