just come out here and I will go home with you...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
