So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
