and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
