Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
