It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
