I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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