I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
