just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
