Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
