Moan for me like Helen Keller
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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